Over the past year, the Lord has been bringing to the surface some belief systems I never knew I had, and am not proud of.
I am my biggest critic, and hold myself to impossible standards. Since I do that to myself, I also expect my husband to meet those same impossible standards. When those standards can’t be met, I get frustrated with both of us, and my husband ends up in a no-win position… the position of never being enough. LADIES, OUR HUSBANDS ARE NOT GOD. THEY WERE NEVER CREATED TO BE EVERYTHING WE NEEDED. These ungodly expectations that I’ve put on myself and my husband are humanistic, prideful, and a sure recipe for failure. They’re definitely not healthy standards to live under, and I’m not doing our marriage any favors by living this way. I am setting myself and my husband up to fail, because we were never designed to “Be all, Do All”. No one can win under this kind of pressure. I have to stop expecting myself AND my husband to meet standards that only God can meet.
Now, for those that know us, don’t go thinking we’re having marriage problems… we’re not and that’s not what this post is about. It’s about being the best spouse I can be. It’s about being my husband’s biggest cheerleader. It’s about creating an atmosphere in our home that is easy to come home to. It’s about giving myself and my husband permission to be human. It’s about realizing that outside of God, I can do nothing… He is the ultimate “Be All, Do All”, He is our source of strength.
–Learn your husband’s love language… go out of your way to encourage him and show love to him in ways that minister to him. One of my husband’s love languages is Acts Of Service… it doesn’t mean he won’t appreciate a handwritten, spontaneous note (Words Of Affirmation is one of my LL’s), but it does mean taking the extra minute to hang his dress clothes up in the order he likes or having his lunch packed and ready for him is something really special to him and he takes notice… that’s how he receives love.
–Encourage your husband. Be his biggest cheerleader. Just because “Words Of Affirmation” may not be a way that your husband receives love, does NOT mean that we shouldn’t verbally encourage our husbands regularly. Everybody needs a cheerleader… be your husband’s biggest cheerleader. I’m always reminded of one of the final scenes in the movie “Fireproof” where the wife looks at her husband and says “If I haven’t told you today that you are a good man – you are. If I haven’t told you today that I’ve forgiven you – I have. If I haven’t told you today that I love you – I do.” Ladies, build up your man.
–Take a scripture and pray it over your husband. Not only should we put on the Armor of God for ourselves everyday, but we should pray the same over our husbands… just because he is the head of the home, doesn’t mean you can’t cover your husband in prayer. Pray protection, clarity, wisdom, strength, integrity and health over him. Find a scripture and fill in your husband’s name.
–Share your personal Love Language with your husband. I know we all like to mumble to ourselves about how clueless men are… in all truth, they probably have just as much on their plate as we do, and their own pressures that they have to deal with. Make sure to have an open channel of honest communication with your husband. Ask for a reminder of what his LL is, and then remind him what yours is… it will do wonders for your marriage when you both are showing love to each other in ways that you both truly receive it.
Thus concludes my own personal little therapy session. Now, don’t hear what I’m not saying… I am in NO way condoning any kind of abusive, hurtful, or unfaithful behavior. If you’re in a relationship where that kind of behavior is occurring, pray, and seek guidance from a trusted, Godly individual. But, for the rest of us… if your husband is a good man – tell him… and often.
Take the pressure off yourself, mama. Take the pressure off your sweet husband. Let God be God. Let your husband be human. Live a life of grace.